Congratulations, you made it. You survived the physical exhaustion of the early years…the sleep deprivation and constant demands for feeding, diaper changing, and holding. You skillfully navigated the toddler years, raising an opinionated little person who seems simultaneously in awe of and on a mission to destroy the world as we know it. As the school years crept by, you guided your child in the complicated processes of education, socialization, developing friendships and interests. You are incredible.
As challenging, and rewarding, as every phase of parenting can be, it may come as no surprise that a survey of over 2000 mothers of middle schoolers (age 12-14) generally feel worse than parents of any other age group.
Unlike all the earlier phases, parental support networks have often disappeared, just when you might need it most. There are dozens of Burlington-area playgroups and support groups for parents of infants and toddlers, but children age there are fewer opportunities to connect with and get support from others parenting preteens and teens. ParentIN was designed to fill that void, and provide support for you and your family, entering what some child psychologists suggest is the hardest parenting stage.
Our community must join together to raise our children above the influence of substance use. The 2023 Vermont Department of Health Youth Risk Behavior Report shows that 14% of children under 13 report ever drinking alcohol, but by 12th grade 65% of children report ever drinking alcohol.
ParentIN messaging focuses on 3 proven areas parents can help prevent teen substance use:
BONDING
BOUNDARIES
BUILDING ASSETS
Like parenting, our program is not a one-shot-and-it’s-over process and there is no one-size-fits-all approach. We provide educational tools, tips, and resources to help make supporting teens feel more manageable and realistic for your family. Join our mailing list or a ParentIN event to find a safe place to ask questions and engage with a community of parents who can relate.
BONDING
You are an incredibly important influence on your child's decision making
Create opportunities for discussion about drug and alcohol use
Discuss real situations where your child might be encouraged to use drugs and alcohol. Brainstorm and practice ways to say no or get out of the situation.
Create a positive, loving environment at home and in your community
Schedule times to do fun activities together on a regular basis.
Notice and compliment the good things you see your child do and say. Try to maintain at least a 4-to-1 ratio of positive comments to negative ones.
In correcting behavior or giving consequences, make sure your child knows that they are still loved.
Encourage healthy relationships for your child with other adult role models.
Enjoy daily interaction with your preteen. Teens who feel close to their parents are less likely to use substances.
Make time daily to talk with your children about their interests and activities. Ask about their lives, hopes, fears, and concerns.
Stay actively involved in helping your child succeed in school.
Eat dinner together together as a family regularly. Research shows teens who eat as a family (at least 5x/week) are 33% less likely to use alcohol.
BUILDING ASSETS
"Search Institute has identified 40 positive supports and strengths that young people need to succeed. Half of the assets focus on the relationships and opportunities they need in their families, schools, and communities (external assets). The remaining assets focus on the social-emotional strengths, values, and commitments that are nurtured within young people (internal assets)."
External Assets
Support your child in developing positive relationships with at least three adults outside their home environment
Encourage your child to become an active member in their community through volunteering or other service roles
Ensure time is spent, outside of school hours, enriching your child's interests through clubs, youth programming, or home activities
Internal Assets
Be sure to celebrate your child's self-esteem to ensure they hold a positive identity about themselves
Find ways for your child to commit to their learning in and out of school
Support your child in developing core values that enrich healthy choices
Be sure to introduce your child to other cultures to enrich their interpersonal skillset
Becoming a teenager can be tough.
Parenting them isn’t easy, either.
That’s why we created ParentIN – to empower caregivers of middle and high school students in Burlington with the support they need to help their children make healthy choices.
Reported substance use among Burlington students drastically increases each year from 6th to 12th grade. We want you, and your student, to be prepared for what’s to come. ParentIN offers evidence-informed educational tips and resources, presentations, and workshops for caregivers aimed at helping our kids live substance free lives.
You know a lot about your child; we know a lot about preventing substance use and misuse.
We are IN this together.
BOUNDARIES
Establish clear rules and consequences
Set clear rules about not drinking alcohol while underage or using other substances and establish firm consequences for drinking/using
Teach the risks of underage substance use
Begin talking with your child about not drinking alcohol/using drugs early in life and keep talking regularly.
Help kids choose friends wisely and know their activities
Always know where your kids are, who they are with, and what they are doing. If their friends drink, your child is much more likely to drink, too. Peers who drink are the single greatest risk factor for underage alcohol use.
Get to know your kid's friends and their friend's parents or caregivers. Discuss your no-alcohol policy with them. Enlist their support to help keep your kids in an alcohol-free environment.
Children need fun and to take risks. Help provide safe, enjoyable, substance-free fun, and healthy risk-taking for your kids and their friends.
Ensure that your kids have regularly planned activities (not too much time alone) and appropriate adult supervision.
Ensure a substance-free environment
If your child goes to a friend’s house, call to make sure adult caregivers will be home and there will be no alcohol or other substance use.
Always keep your alcohol or other substances at home locked up and away from your kids and their friends. Free locking bags for prescriptions or cannabis are available by mail from the State of Vermont.
Maintain monitoring
Find ways to check on your kids when you are not around, either with phone calls, text messaging, or through a neighbor dropping by.
Drop-in occasionally, unannounced. Though they may roll their eyes and seem embarrassed at your presence, the occasional surprise visit lets your children know you could stop by at any time.
Explain that you do trust your children, but that you love them and want to be sure they’re safe.
